To blog or not to blog, that is the question. Or for me, it’s more like, What to Blog, What Not to Blog, Should I Blog, Should I Not Blog. I don’t know about any other writers out there, but blogging is super hard. Like seeing-Stranger Things-on-Netflix-and-not-binge-watching-the-entire-season kind of hard. And, I know that you’re thinking right now, But you’re a writer! You have two published novels with over three hundred pages each! How can spitting out a blog post be so difficult!
I may be able to write a standard-sized novel, but when it comes to writing short little bits of interest, that capture my readers’ attention, on a blog, then I have major issues. Writer’s block? I wish it were that simple. How about total brain block? Because no sooner than a blog topic comes into my brain than a massive brick wall slides down (out of nowhere) and I, absolutely one-hundred percent, cannot salvage the idea from its idea egg. So, I try to re-create what I think would be interesting topics to write about.
Which could be cool, but then the second guessing begins with the scramble for more topics following soon after. Should I write about food? News? Fashion? Witchcraft? What happened at work this week? Writerly topics that will make me seem like a totally hip author? The fundamentals of backyard gardening? How to store your water in an enzymatic blue-glass bottle to prevent toxins from infiltrating your system? It could go any way really.
But, after much deliberation (and talking to myself… out loud), I finally choose one. And I think I’m in the clear, but no sooner do I type out a sentence than the negative thoughts begin to playfully manically dance in my head, laughing at me in their sing-songy voices (because yes, my negative thoughts have varying voices- but I suppose that’s a different post), Why are you writing this? Do people even care about this? Do you care about this topic? Do you care if you care about this topic? Is that the type of writer you are… that you want to be?
And then, the cycle begins. Type, delete, retype, delete. Type, delete, retype, delete. Type, delete, retype, delete. Type, delete, retype, delete. A wretched circle of self-doubt and word carnage until there is nothing left but a blank page, and a shorted-out keyboard caused by the tears of my ancestors who are surely looking down at me and shaking their heads in disappointment. And I think, I’ll update my blog next week.
Now, it’s a month later. And, I feel guilty… ashamed. I should be good at this. I’ve been a writer my entire life. I should be able to write a short piece weekly. Why is this so hard! I know I should be trying to make a better connection to my readers through my blog. I WANT to make a better connection with them, I really do. In a panic, I make a sweeping promise, an all-encompassing proclamation over dinner, “From this day forth, I’m going to put in a blog update each week!”
My family just stares at me. It’s not my first proclamation.
But, I’m determined to stick with it. And, I do. One week. Two weeks… in a row. But, the doubt inevitably creeps in. It’s debilitating.
And, here we go again.
Blogging is hard. I have mucho respect for those who can do this professionally because I totally suck at it. I’m not writing this to incite sympathetic feelings, to fish for unwarranted compliments that I’m doing just fine. My ego doesn’t need stroking. I’m writing this because, well, it’s the truth. It’s a truth that I must accept if I have any chance at improving this aspect of my writing, any chance at becoming more skilled at my craft, which these days, includes blogging.
And maybe, if there is another writer out there who feels the same, they’ll know that they’re not alone. Or maybe I’ll discover that it’s me who’s looking for a comrade in blog suckery, so that I know I’m not the only one.